As I look back on the events that have lead me to the place that I am, I must say I sure am pleased with where the Journey has lead me.
I honestly always thought that I would get married, have a family and stay married. So many of us do. It literally was the day of the 911 terrorist attacks when I took a break after the morning show on K-Shasta and went home for lunch when I was hit with.."I'm just not happy anymore and I'm going to leave and nothing will change my mind.".....Ok...WTF???
It was more than true..in fact..nothing would change her mind. Now my whole fear in this was loosing my daughter along with my wife.....well as it turns out, the road Sydneys mom decided to take didn't include time for taking care of her daughter. So I instantly became Mr. Mom to a 7 year old little girl. It was hard at first. Not taking care of her....I already did that...I cooked a lot and was always very close to her, getting her dressed and all the usual stuff. It was hard because I just couldn’t' seem to heal....but as they say...time does heal. I remember it being just a week or so after 6 months had gone by when I finally felt ok....I realized I hadn't cried once that day....I know for a fact that every day for 6 months I did. I decided to quit taking the break up so personally, people change. Their feelings change. Some choose to live through it and be in a marriage that is just "Ok"....the passion is gone, they've grown apart but just stick together. I suppose some can re-connect and bring it back.
Sydney and I became closer because I was clinging to her just as much as she was clinging to me. The scars that are left with a little girl that doesn't hear from her mother for months are forever present in her and It's something that I can never forgive. It was a hard time......but I wouldn't change the Journey. I have an almost 17 year old young lady now that essentially I raised and we are still very close to this day. She certainly knows my struggles, has seen me at my worst and at times at my best.
The journey that led me to meet my precious little Shaylas Mom is one that I wouldn't change also. Although our extreme differences ultimately tore us apart, I now have an amazingly funny, smart, witty and sweet 5 year old that is the center of my world . Other relationships I've had have brought many great things into my life. One that gave me the inspirational push I needed to get started recording my solo album and the following one that inspired me to write one of my favorite songs on the album called "Falling."
As I sit alone on a Sunday evening, a scene on a movie I was watching made me think of all of this. A guy pulling up to his house with his kids playing in the front yard as he heads in to talk with his wife. A scene I wishI was part of. I'm a big fan of family and people staying together. But that's not always the Journey or the path that is chosen.
Because I have so much to be thankful for and so many wonderful opportunities and experiences that have arisen from my intended Journey being thrown off course I'm very glad it worked out this way.
I've said before that I've learned so many things from past relationships. Mistakes I've made are ones I wont repeat and the time alone has really given me perspective on how special it is when you find the right person to love unconditionally and with not only extreme passion but with the utmost respect. To celebrate differences, except weaknesses and cherish time together and apart.
With all of that said......once again, I wouldn't change the Journey.
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