Vision....

Jul 12, 2012 -- 10:09pm

What a couple of days it's been...Lately my patience has been shorter than ever...really....with the simplest of things...I'm not usually like that...but I have been lately....what is it?? My time of the month....or year??? Jeeze lighten up!!! So as I'm feeling these not so usual feelings of quick anger, frustration and slight depression....a get a text from one of...if not the for lack of a better word coolest girlfriends I've ever had...who at some point asks...."So how's life treating you?" I of course say fine but decide to be honest rather than give the standard "Great" answer ...."I do feel a bit empty sometimes"......after a few texts she asks me "Where is your Vision Board?" (She introduced me to the concept of having something like a cork board by your bed so it's the first thing you see in the morning and the last you see at night.....fill it with pictures of the things you want in your life....positive quotes and the more you see these things, the more they will enter your life)....guess what??? It works. She was the one who said..."YOU need to have a picture of a CD with your name on it".....after seeing this for months...I finally made the call to get the recording process started and soon I will be releasing my first solo recording project. My answer as to where the Vision board was...."In my Garage"....but "I'm moving it into my new house tonight!"......I did......I cleared a lot of the things that had already came into my life off of it and added the new things that I really want to happen for me.....It felt great....A simple thing but really quite big as for bringing a positive feeling to me and my surroundings. I can't thank her enough....someone that entered my life for a season....and for a reason. She's a beautiful person...all that know her would say the same thing.

So I now wonder how we stayed in touch before Facebook....Ok...yeah we picked up the phone now and then....sent an email....but seeing photos and messaging friends is so at our fingertips now it's crazy. I chatted with an old friend today who I literally had the hugest crush on in 9th grade....Nova ....for those who are old school....I was way too shy back then and for some reason thought people....girls....could tell what I was thinking....WTF??...oops sorry...well come on!!! I'm sure I missed out on many opportunities because of this. We messaged about life...love....romance...why I didn't ask her out back then and of course that brings up the whole issue of What Might Have Been......oh man that can drive you out of your mind and send you for a bit of a loop....We seem to both enjoy and long for simple gestures of romance....you wake up and there is a note on the mirror saying.."I love you and will be thinking of you...by the way you look hot in your underwear!!!".....or whatever..Some people would love to see that.....some....not so much.....Everyone has different needs to fill their "Love tank" and a different love language. The key is understanding and giving that person what they need to keep them feeling full. So as the 1980s have turned to 2012 we are miles apart and our lives have taken us down many roads....would we be exactly where we are today if I would have asked her out.....probably....that was a long time ago.........would that have really changed our destination??? Same ol' thing....we will never know....I kind of like to feel and stir up those old memories because certain people when you think of them...see a picture of them....they make your heart skip a beat....give you butterflies...I think that's good...Makes you feel alive! All in all, it was nice to connect with someone who made me feel that way inside so long ago.....

The evening brought a quick trip downtown....decided to head to Marketfest to hear some music.....standard procedure for me to stop in at the Post Office Saloon...Talked with Tom the owner to set up the CD release party in a few months...really looking forward to that. As I sit and enjoy a cold beer.....the door opens and the meeting that I knew would eventually happen......happens. The woman that I truly thought I was going to spend the rest of my days with walks in....I haven't seen her since she packed the last of her things and drove away from my house last November.....The great thing is...I'm Ok....many months ago I might not have been. I really did love her...with all of my heart....I loved that she was so in love with me...she loved my music and we seemed to have so much in common....a really good vibe....Obviously things ultimately tore us apart......So with a warm smile I greet her with a hug and we talk a bit...the conversation goes right to music....she is a singer and we chat a bit about what we are doing and she makes her way to a table....As I sit and think....I'm a bit surprised that it didn't hit me harder seeing her....it's weird...it's such a small town but I haven't run into her at all until tonight.

I finish the last swallow and head over to library park to hear some music....the band is really good....feel good stuff...I like that. I don't stay long...my plan was to have some dinner back over at the Post Office Saloon.....part of me says...no.....she's there.....and then I realize.....why would I let that change what I was originally planning to do?.....I head back over and enjoy a nice meal and some great folk music from Jim Dyer and his band.....A really nice end to a couple of really different uplifting days for me.

I often wonder if it's all part of a bigger plan that I .....we ...have no control over......I almost went to CR Gibbs....closer to home to grab a quick meal and come home....something lead me downtown to experience this range of emotions that I think I needed.....

3 different wonderful women that all changed my life in some way over a number of years........all coming back into my life in the matter of just a few hours....Each one of them had a hold of my heart in a different way............and though my heart seems to be on hold for now, kind of circling, waiting to land......hoping that the Vision Board over time brings me what I truly desire.........To me it feels like things are definitely on track.......

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